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(Originally prepared as a
devotional for Kim Bailey's bridal shower in 1982)
Sometimes, the relationship of a
married couple is euphemistically described as “a marriage made in heaven,”
simply meaning that the couple is perceived to be well-suited for each other
and happily married. The truth of the matter, however, is that marriage
itself was made in heaven. That is, the very idea of marriage originated
with God.
Genesis chapter two records the creation of the very first human being—a man
called Adam. It also records God’s pronouncement, “It is not good that the
man should be alone: I will make him an help meet for him.” God then created
the beasts of the field and the fowl of the air and brought them to the man,
but still there was no “help meet for him.” At that point, God “caused a
deep sleep to fall upon Adam,” and as the man slept, God removed one of his
ribs and formed an “help” suitable for him. When God presented His new
creation to Adam,
the man remarked, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she
shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:24 then
says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall
cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (God knowing, of course,
that future beings would be propagated, rather than created, and would
therefore have fathers and mothers). This union was the beginning
of the institution of marriage.
The New Testament reiterates, reinforces, and
further defines God’s resolve concerning marriage. His plan for young women
to become wives is explicitly stated in I Timothy 5:14. “I will therefore
that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none
occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” Clearly, it is God’s
intent, His expressed will, that young women should marry and become mothers
and homemakers. Yes, marriage was made in heaven. It was conceived,
implemented, and instituted by The Creator himself.
Having
conceived the idea of marriage, God also gave directives for attaining His
ideal for marriage. For instance, the guideline for selecting a mate is
given in II Corinthians 6:14; duties and responsibilities of husbands can be
found in Mark, Luke, Romans, I Corinthians, Ephesians, and Colossians; and
finally, principles and instructions concerning women are listed in Mark,
Luke, Romans, I Corinthians, and Titus. Most particularly, Titus 2:3-5
provides a “mini-handbook” for wives.
Titus chapter two says, “The aged women
likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false
accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may
teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their
children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their
own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” In these verses, God
clearly delineates His instructions concerning women and marriage. He
prescribes the method of instructing young wives, gives the message to be
taught to them, and reveals the malefic result if they fail to obey God’s
plan.
The method of instruction is revealed
in verse three. Young women are to listen to and learn from older women who
live holy lives, are not false accusers, and are not given to much wine.
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness,
not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That
they may teach the young women...” Thus, by both word and example the
older, more experienced, more spiritually mature women are to guide the
younger women toward God’s ideal plan for their lives. These older women are
not necessarily to offer only opinions and personal advice, although that
may sometimes be helpful, but rather they are assigned to deliver God’s
specific list of requirements. His divine curriculum is clearly outlined in
verses four and five. “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to
love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers
at home, good, obedient to their own husbands...” This is the message
which must be taught to and learned by young wives. Each of these eight
directives should be carefully considered, fully understood, and diligently
applied to comply with God’s plan and achieve His ideal for marriage.
1) CONSIDER THE MEANING
2) UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE
3) APPLY TO DAILY LIFE
(The applications given are typical
examples. The possibilities are numerous.)
Be sober -
(sophronizo – self-controlled)
Definition: temperate, quiet, serious,
solemn, dignified, somber, calm, sensible, moderate, free from exaggeration,
not flitty and silly
Comprehension: Proverbs 9:13 says, “A
foolish woman is clamorous” (hamah – disquieted, in an uproar). By
contrast, a wise woman is moderate, calm, self-controlled.
Application: Be calm. Avoid jumping to
conclusions. Never make a mountain out of a molehill. If your husband comes
in late, don’t complain or nag. Instead, make him feel so welcome and wanted
that he’ll be anxious to get home sooner the next time. Wear the “ornament
of a meek and quiet spirit,” I Peter 3:4.
Be discreet - (sophron –
safe; sozo – to save, to heal, to preserve)
Definition: careful and sensible in speech
and action; wisely cautious; using common
sense
Comprehension: “Discretion shall preserve
thee...,” Proverbs 2:11 says. Being careful and sensible in speech and
action can also preserve and keep safe your family, your acquaintances, and
your possessions.
Application: Avoid gossip and unkind
remarks—ESPECIALLY to or about your husband or your children. Never say
anything, true or not, which is better left unsaid. Manage
economically. Don’t buy unnecessary items you can’t really afford. Stretch
your dollars even on necessities. Never complain that he doesn’t get you
things that some friend gets for his wife, etc.
Be chaste - (hagios –
physically pure, morally blameless, consecrated)
Definition: morally pure, virtuous, modest,
decent, simple in taste or style, not too much ornamented, innocent
Comprehension: I Peter 3:2-4 says, “While
they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let
it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of
gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the
heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and
quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” Your moral
virtue should be obvious in every way.
Application: Keep yourself above reproach
and always be modest in dress, language, and behavior.
Be good – (agathos –
intrinsically good)
Definition: kind, friendly, helpful,
reliable, genuine
Comprehension: “A good man out of the good
treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good.” Luke 6:45
Application: Be helpful to others. Visit the
sick and elderly. Be easy to get along with. Be genuine and sincere in all
relationships.
Be keepers at home
- (oikourgos – a stayer at home, one domestically inclined, a good
housekeeper)
Definition: one who takes care of or
oversees, guardian, protector, watchman [at home]
Comprehension: “She looketh well to the ways
of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31:27.
Application: Stay at home unless you have a
good reason to be away. Keep your house neat and clean (“clean enough to be
healthy, cluttered enough to be happy”). Prepare good meals. Keep clothes
ready for your family, etc.
Love your children - (philoteknos
– fond of one’s children)
Definition: warmth of feeling, tenderness,
devotion, loyalty, reverence, passion
Comprehension: “...teach the young women
to...love their children...” Titus 2:4. A mother’s love for her children
is not an automatic phenomenon—else God would not have given this
instruction. In many cultures, this love is instinctively taught and learned
by the handed-down example of loving mothers and grandmothers. In some
cases, a mother may feel a genuine fondness for her children, but still
fail to relate her love appropriately.
Application: Show and Tell. Show your love
by patience (repeated explanations, etc.). Show your love by interest
(bugs, dolls, sports, homework, whatever). Show your love by availability
(by their need—not by your convenience). Show your love by discipline
(consistent, calm, purposeful, with love). Tell. Tell your children often
how much you love and appreciate them.
Love your husband – (philandros
– affectionate as a wife)
Definition: strength, depth, sincerity,
warmth of feeling; tenderness; devotion and loyalty;
reverence
Comprehension: “...teach the young women
to...love their husbands...” Titus 2:4. This verse indicates that wives are
to learn to love their husbands. At the time these words were penned,
marriages were arranged by parents. Most women had little or no say about
whom they would marry. Indeed, in some cases they were introduced to the
groom and married to him on the same day; and yet, God said that they were
to learn to love him. Today, most women choose their own husbands—someone
they are “in love” with; and yet God’s word still says to teach them to love
their husbands. Scriptural love is much more than a “feeling”; Scriptural
love is a choice.
Application: WHEN to love him: Always. I
Corinthians 13:8 says that love never fails. You must choose to love your
husband at all times because that is God’s plan. Sometimes—when he’s
sympathetic, gentle, and sweet—he’ll be very easy to love. At other times,
when he’s irritable or thoughtless, you are still to love him anyway—by
choice if necessary. The decision should be made in advance so you will be
able to react with love to any situation.
HOW to love
him: Reverently. Ephesians 5:33 says, “...and the wife see that she
reverence (phobeo – hold in awe; revere) her husband.” Always be careful to
show reverential respect for him, especially before your children and other
people.
Helpfully. Genesis 2:18
says that the wife was made as an help for the husband. Be his helpmate; it
will intensify the bond between you. Become interested in whatever interests
him—hand him tools as he works around the house, give moral support,
etc.—whatever is helpful to him. Remember, Eve was created to be a help to
Adam—not vice versa, for him to be her handyman or “gofor”.
Patiently. I Corinthians
13 says that love is patient and kind. When he leaves the lid off the
toothpaste or splashes water all over the bathroom, love him patiently.
Proverbs 10:12 says that “love covereth a multitude of sins.” Be willing to
accentuate the positive and overlook his
faults.
Sympathetically. Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so
fulfill the law of Christ.” Compassionately offer him comfort during
sickness, discouragements, or problems of any sort.
Passionately. According
to I Corinthians 7:4, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the
husband...” Verse 5 goes on to say, “Defraud ye not one the other, except it
be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and
prayer: and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your
incontinency.” Love your husband passionately. If you do not, you are
giving Satan an increased opportunity for sending temptation in his path.
Show and tell. As you
show your love for you husband through reverence, helpfulness, patience,
sympathy, and passion, be sure to also tell him often. He needs to hear it
just as you do.
WHY to love him: I
Samuel 15:22 says, “...to obey is better than sacrifice...” If for no
other reason, choose to love your husband in obedience to God. It is His
requirement, and the thrill of willfully obeying God is a reward in itself.
But when you choose to love as God instructed, you will be blessed with a
new level of contentment and happiness in your home. God’s plan works!
Be obedient to your
husband – (hoputasso – to subordinate; be under obedience)
Definition: doing what is told; dutiful;
willing to obey
Comprehension: Ephesians 5:22-24 says,
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church...Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be
to their own husbands in every thing.” This idea of submission is not a
popular concept today—it is not politically correct. As far back as the
1970s, a cartoon was published which referred to God’s creation of Eve from
Adam’s rib. The caption on the cartoon said that woman was not created from
man’s head to be above him, nor from his feet to be beneath him; but rather,
she was created from his side to be equal with him. Perhaps that was to have
been the case. But the fact remains that when Eve was deceived, and
subsequently enticed her husband to sin, she was subordinated by the
Creator. “... thy desire shall be [subject] to thy husband, and he shall
rule over thee” (Genesis 3:16). Although that Devine penalty was passed
upon all women for all time, wifely submission is hardly practiced at all in
the modern world—rather it is ridiculed or denounced completely. Legally, in
America, no husband could require submission of any sort from his wife, nor
does society expect that he should. Actually, here and now, there is
absolutely no reason for a wife to subordinate herself to her husband—apart
from her desire to please God. It is still God’s edict—and for a wife,
submission to God requires submission to her husband.
Application: Try to please your
husband—whether it’s convenient or not. Be submissive in your heart and in
your attitude as well as in your actions. If he is a loving, Christian
husband, it should be a pleasure to please him. If he is sometimes difficult
and undeserving, you can still take pleasure in pleasing him as you submit
for Jesus’ sake. “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands;
that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the
conversation [behavior] of their wives” (I Peter 3:1).
And so...be sober, discreet,
chaste, good, keepers at home; love your husband and your children; be
submissive to your husband. These eight commands to women are vital for
realizing God’s ideal marriage—one which will bring love, peace, and harmony
to the home and glory to the Savior. Titus 2:5 says to teach the young women
all these things for a reason— “that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Your failure to comply with God’s plan will not only cause your marriage to
suffer loss of blessing and happiness, but it could also cause God’s word to
be spoken against reproachfully by the adversary. What a malefic
result!
On the other hand, Proverbs
31:10-31 shows the ideal situation of a woman who applies God's principles
in her life and marriage.
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price
is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so
that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all
the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with
her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from
afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her
household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth
it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her
loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her
merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands
to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand
to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not
afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with
scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and
purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders
of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles
unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall
rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her
tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her
household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and
call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters
have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and
beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the
gates.
This Old Testament description of a
“virtuous woman” depicts the very qualities which Titus 2 relates as
instructions for all wives. This woman of Proverbs 31 will do her husband
“good and not evil all the days of her life.” She is faithful, diligent,
loyal, helpful, wise, and kind. Her discreet behavior and respect for her
husband contribute to the respect others have for him. She is a woman who
fears the Lord and obeys God’s role for her as a wife. Her household is a
place of peace, love, shelter and comfort for her husband and her children.
Ultimately, the result of her years of faithful obedience to God’s plan is
to one day have her grown children “arise up, and call her blessed; her
husband also, and he praiseth her.” What a tremendous and precious reward!
Trust your marriage to The Maker of marriage and reap His blessing for
yourself and your family.
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